Novel Bin Chapter 309: Was That You? (20)
"And the night I fell overboard, the person who saved me kissed me. When you leaned into my face just now, it felt similar, very similar."
"Qingchun."
Su Zhinian, who had been quietly listening to her, suddenly called her name to interrupt her.
He stared out the window for a few seconds before allowing his gaze to land on her face. "Going back to the night we shared at the northern countryside. Have you forgotten something I’ve told you when I was consoling you?"
He was lost for words as if he didn’t know how to continue. The bedroom was so quiet that the sound of the ticking clock was discernible to the ear.
After who knew how long, Su Zhinian shifted in his seat and finished the rest of his statement like he had finally come to a decision. "Have you forgotten, I already have a person in my heart?"
Song Qingchun was stunned.
Su Zhinian went on. "From the words you said, I realize that the person you’re looking for views you as the most important thing in the world, but I have to say, you are not the person who I treasure in my heart. So, how can I be the person you’re looking for?"
Su Zhinian’s tone became a little bit incredulous near the end. Honestly, he didn’t expect he would one day use Song Qingchun to deny Song Qingchun.
What he said slowly registered in Song Qingchun’s mind. That’s right, how could I have forgotten? He already has a person that he loves; her name is Tingting. She is the most important person in the world for him; he can’t love her, and yet he can’t stop himself from loving her. For Tingting, he was willing to suffer a life of solitude. Since he can’t be with her, he’d rather die alone.
He also once wrote something beautiful for her: I’ve expended three lifetimes to find you, and now I will use another to make you my wife.
He was right; the person who had been watching over her had to be someone who loved and valued her deeply. In the end, the person he loved was not her, and that was reason enough to eliminate him from the pool of candidates.
However, even so, Song Qingchun couldn’t convince her own instinct. She didn’t give up and continued her questions. "But, you have been so considerate toward me, and looked after me so much recently..."
"I feel indebted to you," Su Zhinian answered before Song Qingchun could finish.
"Indebted?" Song Qingchun repeated the term, unsure what he meant by that.
"Yes, indebted." Su Zhinian repeated it again, to help her confirm that she hadn’t misheard him. The rest of his sentence was delivered in the gentlest tone she had ever heard from him, but his words were like sharp knives that lacerated her heart. "After all, I once took your most important thing from you when I was drunk so many years ago. Even so, I still feel apologetic toward you."
The nightmare that she hadn’t thought about for a long time was suddenly brought up, and Song Qingchun’s face blanched.
Su Zhinian paused but didn’t open his eyes to look at her face, which was now twisted with pain. His lips turned down with something akin to pity as he said, "Furthermore, I find you in a rather pitiable condition at the moment. I’m taking care of you because it makes me feel better."
They were not lovers, so no matter from which perspective, she really shouldn’t have taken his kindness toward her with such deep consideration and with such importance. After all, he was not the Brother Yinan whom she had pursued for years.
However, for a reason that she couldn’t understand herself, Song Qingchun’s heart felt like it had broken into pieces when that sentence was uttered from his lips. Her breath caught in her throat, her lips quivered, and her eyes were getting red with tears.